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I've been thinking a lot about dysfunctional families - welcome to the holidays!! (reminder!) Before we hop into form, we choose the family we are going to grow up with - sometimes because of the support we receive, but often because of the way we will be challenged by the personalities we are raised with.

You see, the family situation sets the stage for our soul growth in this life. For those with unhealthy family dynamics (which, lets be honest, is most of us), our childhood experience sets up those triggers, those tender and painful spots, that we get to grow through as we continue on in the journey of life.

I've particularly been thinking about the six common alcoholic / addict family roles - when there is addiction in the family, it sets up a cast of characters if you will. And we each step into one role - and sometimes even two or three if there are more parts to play. I thought it might be useful to look at what our soul lessons are in each of these roles and how we can approach this holiday season from a place of opportunity rather than oppression.

• The Addict:
  • Behavior: Self-medicating pain, avoiding responsibility, fluctuating between guilt and denial.
  • Energetic function: They’re the “loud symptom” of the system.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to learn accountability & healing, learning how to work through pain rather than outsourcing it to a substance or activity. There is unprocessed trauma or past-life healing to be worked through, and they want to learn emotional regulation and self-worth. Their opportunity is to choose responsibility, healing, and truth in this lifetime.
  • Holiday Version: They may show up late (or not at all), already drinking, or “sneaking off” to use — creating tension everyone feels but no one names. Their behavior becomes the silent center of gravity the whole gathering organizes itself around.
• The Enabler / Caregiver
  • Behavior: Fixing, rescuing, smoothing things over, holding the emotional and logistical weight for the addict.
  • Energetic function: Keeps the system running—even when the system should fall apart.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to learn about boundaries and to let other people experience the consequences of their own actions - to stop rescuing people. They have the opportunity to learn that love doesn't have to equal responsibility, that they don't have to take care of other people in order to be loved or "worthy".
  • Holiday Version: They’re running around trying to keep the peace — refilling drinks, smoothing over awkward moments, covering up the addict’s behavior, telling everyone “it’s fine, they’re just tired.” They’re exhausted, but no one notices because they don’t allow themselves to stop.
• The Hero (the high achiever, the perfectionist)
  • Behavior: Overachieving to try to make things okay, becoming “the good one,” excelling to pull focus or escape from the dysfunction.
  • Energetic function: Brings the illusion of order + hope.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to learn about vulnerability and imperfection, as they will see that being perfect doesn't make everything okay and doesn't buy them the love, peace, and acceptance that they are deeply wanting. They have the opportunity to see that they are enough without having to earn it.
  • Holiday Version: They take responsibility for everything — hosting, cooking, organizing, buying gifts, keeping everyone happy. If anything goes wrong, they feel personally responsible and double down on perfection to “fix” the day.
• The Scapegoat (the rebel, the "problem child")
  • Behavior: Acting out, the one who is blamed for the family's denied issues, telling the truth of the chaos through their behavior
  • Energetic function: Externalizes the family’s shadow.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to learn how to channel truth in healthy, empowered ways, to develop their inner authority after lifetimes of rebellion. They have the opportunity to break the pattern of being the "bad one" or the outcast, and to stop carrying others' unresolved pain.
  • Holiday Version: They’re the one who “ruins the vibe” — not because they actually do, but because the family projects all the unspoken issues onto them. If tensions rise, someone inevitably says, “Don’t start.” They get blamed for the chaos.
• The Lost Child (the invisible one)
  • Behavior: Withdrawing into solitude, staying quiet, disappearing emotionally.
  • Energetic function: Reduces the pressure by taking up less space.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to learn to let themselves be seen, to understand connection, intimacy, and presence. They have the opportunity to break the pattern from previous lifetimes of invisibility and neglect, and to reclaim their voice and presence.
  • Holiday Version: They’re physically there, but no one really talks to them. They stay in the corner, scrolling, reading, or hanging with the pets. They leave early or slip out quietly because fading into the background feels safer than participating.
• The Mascot (the clown)
  • Behavior: Uses humor to diffuse tension or distract the family. Often struggles internally while appearing happy/positive.
  • Energetic function: Provides emotional relief, keeps morale afloat.
  • Soul lessons: They are here to develop emotional intimacy and to express authentic emotion. They have the opportunity to let others see the real them, to release the belief that their value depends on keeping everyone happy, and to heal past life patterns of entertaining others while neglecting themselves.
  • Holiday Version: They’re cracking jokes, making light of every tense moment, and working hard to keep the mood upbeat. Underneath the humor, there’s usually a lot of anxiety — but if they stop joking, they worry everything will fall apart.

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We all carry baggage from previous lives - karma, unhealthy patterns, and painful beliefs. Our soul wants heal these, so we are placed in situations that will pull them up to the surface to give us the opportunity to work through them.

I get it - this is not fun. But this isn't going to go away by ignoring it. This is a gift that is being given to you by the Universe, as uncomfortable as it might be, there are flowers that can grow out of this pile of .... compost.

But here's the thing, when one person starts to bring awareness to the patterns, the ripples spread out to the entire family dynamic. You don't have to fix your family, get them to understand their roles or reincarnation or soul lessons or even the general dysfunction. You just have to work on your part. When the Hero stops performing, when the Lost Child starts speaking up, when the Enabler sets a boundary - the entire system has to reorganize itself.

Healing isn't selfish. It's actually the most generous gift you can give, because it gives everyone else permission to step out of their roles too. Even if they aren't conscious of it.

This holiday season I wish you clarity, courage, and the permission to choose differently this year. Your soul knew what it was stepping into - trust that you have everything you need to handle it.

♡ Jillian

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This Week's Soul Experiment

Look at your own family, and see what roles are playing out. Then start by identifying your role(s) - is there one that is your primary role, and others that are your backups?

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Then ask yourself: What would it look like to take one small step toward your soul lesson this season? The Hero might practice asking for help. The Enabler might choose one boundary without explaining or defending it. The Lost Child might stay in the room for five more minutes instead of disappearing to their bedroom.

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Here are more examples to get you thinking - how can you show up differently this holiday?

• The Addict: Choose one moment of honesty over avoidance. Tell one truth they usually hide (“I’m struggling,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I need help”).
• The Enabler / Caregiver: Let someone else carry a piece of the load—even a small one. Ask for help with something they always do alone.
• The Hero: Let something be “good enough” on purpose. Choose the easier option instead of the perfect one.
• The Scapegoat: Speak truth without burning yourself in the process. Respond calmly when someone pokes at old wounds.
• The Lost Child: Take up 1% more space than usual. Ask someone a meaningful question to create connection.
• The Mascot: Let someone see the real emotional temperature instead of covering it with jokes. Tell one person how they’re actually feeling.

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How will you grow this season?

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What's Fueling Me This Week

• ​Do your Pet's Reincarnate? In this quick snippet from a past life regression, a woman talks about her horse from a past life - and how he is still with her today. Touching!
• ​Saturn in Every Sign & House: Your Lifetime Lessons + What Your Saturn Return Is Teaching You Loved this one - she talks about the area in which we struggle in our lives and how that sculpts us in painful ways to reshape us into our personal potential. Saturn is the great teacher, and the sign it is in and the house it is in is the map to our personal growth challenges. (Don't know where your Saturn is? I use astro.com as a free way to get my chart)
• ​DMT Always Shows Shane Mauss the Same Purple Woman on His Trips - Tales From the Trip This is a fun one I stumbled across as I was doing research for my upcoming Romance in the Afterlife video. Shane talks about his trips, and how he has a purple girlfriend - and then how a friend of his saw the same thing without even realizing it. The animation takes you on a ride!
• ​London 1600s (AI Reconstruction) I do wonder if I had a past life in London during the time of Elizabeth I, because I'm SUPER fascinated with this time period. Were you there with me? This is a really amazing, high quality recreation of what life was like in London at that time, down to the mucky mud. He has other videos as well (Paris, New York, Boston, etc.) if there are other periods you'd like to explore.
• ​I'm Scared of Gen Alpha | Wally Baram | Stand Up Comedy We all could use a little more laughter in our lives! Just stumbled across this comic, and loved her! Just for a little fun to bring in a little more light into the world. :)

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My Latest Videos

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What REALLY Happens to Bad People After They Die

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Your Unexplained Nostalgia is Trying to Tell You Something

Do you ever feel a deep sense of nostalgia for a time or place you've never actually experienced in this life? I dig in to how these feelings might be clues, acting as memories that hint at your past lives and personal reincarnation journey. I'll discuss how these sensations can guide you toward your purpose in THIS life, reminding you that the soul remembers more than you think. Get ready for your soul journey!

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December 2025 Energy Forecast

Hello friends, welcome to December 2025, the last month of this wacky year. Let's see what's going to happen in December and how we can make the most of it! Every month I check in with my guides to get a feel for what the energies are at play and how we as souls wrapped up in these human bodies can make the most of those energies so that we can evolve our personal growth and spiritual evolution. This month's forecast will help you with your life planning and soul journey, fostering a deeper spiritual awakening and consciousness shift. Ready to make the most of December?

Other Ways to Live Your Life on Purpose

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